Sunday, June 25, 2017

Summer Solstice

Summer Solstice came and went. contrary to what you'd expect, it wasn't bright and sunny, but overcast with a chance of rain. This didn't prevent me from dragging myself out of bed at 7 am to head to the local state park to snag some photographs, however.

For a little while, I had the place almost to myself, as the folks who'd already arrived had already made themselves scarce.

The transformation seems to be advancing a bit, although I'm not sure where it is taking me. A few weeks ago I went exploring some options with out of state friends. I keep hearing "do what you do best" and "do what makes you happy". I was pretty happy those couple of days, but I am unsure that is really what I need to be doing at the moment. I'm sure some (or most) of you out there have this conflict: what you want vs. what you need..... Only time will tell if I can reconcile the two.

Part of the problem is I have trouble defining what is "happiness". I know this sounds weird, but there it is--When I felt happy, was it really happiness I felt? Or mere freedom? Or simply being able to feel sensations I haven't felt in a long, long time? Feeling safe? Or merely free? I felt all those things, but does it feel "right"? Feeling "right" is something I also haven't felt in a while, so feeling it now, I'm not sure that's what I am feeling or not. Something else I will have to pay attention to.

At any rate, summer is rolling on a bit. I have spent a fair amount of time at the creek in the woods behind the house. I've skipped stones and talked to the fish. I'm waiting on the jewelweed to start blooming so that maybe I can catch the hummingbirds in the act of taking a drink (think they'll pose for a photograph? Doubtful) The nasturtiums I planted in the large pot at the front of the trailer are now in full bloom.

I've tried planting a wildflower garden again, behind the Japanese maple I rescued from someone's yard (it's the normal sized sort of tree, not the stunted "grafted" variety that only grows to 6 feet...) .So far, the only noticeable flowers have been the marigolds and a few cosmos that are scraggly. Evidently there isn't as much sun as I thought there would be once the surrounding trees grew leaves again (or maybe the aforementioned maple has got too tall as to block the light?)

Summer is also showing the relentless march of time--it is unknown whether or not I will even get to see the little one over the summer as her life is full right now doing those almost-adult things that happen right before they take that final step--There's graduation stuff to take care of, and the learning to drive stuff, and a million other things. The photographs posted by the stepmother of the Florida vacation has her smiling and (I would hope) happy. So I am content. There is (hopefully) Thanksgiving.  I may end up having to take a road trip to go see her instead.
Next stop: Independence day. I have no clue what that day will entail. My roommate is off work that week, so it will be a challenge to think of things to do so that we do not get on each other's nerves. Perhaps I will find new places to take photographs of, or the clarity I have been searching for will present itself.


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