Making it up as I go along.

So the time of Lugh has come and gone. Ours was spent with a small group of Wiccan folks not too far from us. They seemed glad to see Dent and I, although I'm hoping we didn't put anyone off by merely observing the goings-on. I've never been much of a "class participation" sort of fay, preferring to do what passes for worship in private. File that under the whole "not attracting attention to myself" bit, that I've had since I was in school. The idea of not making myself a target is still a strong one with me, and even though I doubt these folks would judge my missteps, old habits die hard.

Plus there was the whole "what do you have to brag about" theme with this particular holiday (as I like to think of it). There hasn't been a whole lot on my part to really brag about. I have spent the past year and a half trying to figure out what things are, and what are supposed to be. What I am supposed to be. While I've gotten a little closer to figuring out what I am wanting, I am no closer to deciding how to get there. And I am rapidly running out of time; the sprout becomes a full fledged adult next May, thus setting me free to fully pursue what it is. Whatever it is.

In a few weeks, I shall making a pilgrimage... I did this last year, and while it was an interesting experience to say the least, I don't see it really helping me any more this time around any more than last year's journey. Just a pleasant last "vacation" before I have to buckle down, so to speak, and be gainfully employed. But you never know....I may meet my Oberon this time round. I can almost see him clearly: tallish and thinnish, with short dark hair (maybe black or salt-and-pepper) hair. With a heart in need of repair just as mine is. I seem to be drawn to those who need me. It hurts that the one I lean towards needs me not, but has his own life and goings-on.

It's difficult when you see signs, but have no clue what they mean. The other day I was preparing veggies to roast and found one of my cherry tomatoes had a "tree" inside. What is this supposed to mean? Does it mean anything? I honestly don't know. I don't know anything much, any more. I'm having to make it up as I go along, most days!

Aye,
Scratch