Chapters

Sunday, June 25, 2017

Summer Solstice

Summer Solstice came and went. contrary to what you'd expect, it wasn't bright and sunny, but overcast with a chance of rain. This didn't prevent me from dragging myself out of bed at 7 am to head to the local state park to snag some photographs, however.

For a little while, I had the place almost to myself, as the folks who'd already arrived had already made themselves scarce.

The transformation seems to be advancing a bit, although I'm not sure where it is taking me. A few weeks ago I went exploring some options with out of state friends. I keep hearing "do what you do best" and "do what makes you happy". I was pretty happy those couple of days, but I am unsure that is really what I need to be doing at the moment. I'm sure some (or most) of you out there have this conflict: what you want vs. what you need..... Only time will tell if I can reconcile the two.

Part of the problem is I have trouble defining what is "happiness". I know this sounds weird, but there it is--When I felt happy, was it really happiness I felt? Or mere freedom? Or simply being able to feel sensations I haven't felt in a long, long time? Feeling safe? Or merely free? I felt all those things, but does it feel "right"? Feeling "right" is something I also haven't felt in a while, so feeling it now, I'm not sure that's what I am feeling or not. Something else I will have to pay attention to.

At any rate, summer is rolling on a bit. I have spent a fair amount of time at the creek in the woods behind the house. I've skipped stones and talked to the fish. I'm waiting on the jewelweed to start blooming so that maybe I can catch the hummingbirds in the act of taking a drink (think they'll pose for a photograph? Doubtful) The nasturtiums I planted in the large pot at the front of the trailer are now in full bloom.

I've tried planting a wildflower garden again, behind the Japanese maple I rescued from someone's yard (it's the normal sized sort of tree, not the stunted "grafted" variety that only grows to 6 feet...) .So far, the only noticeable flowers have been the marigolds and a few cosmos that are scraggly. Evidently there isn't as much sun as I thought there would be once the surrounding trees grew leaves again (or maybe the aforementioned maple has got too tall as to block the light?)

Summer is also showing the relentless march of time--it is unknown whether or not I will even get to see the little one over the summer as her life is full right now doing those almost-adult things that happen right before they take that final step--There's graduation stuff to take care of, and the learning to drive stuff, and a million other things. The photographs posted by the stepmother of the Florida vacation has her smiling and (I would hope) happy. So I am content. There is (hopefully) Thanksgiving.  I may end up having to take a road trip to go see her instead.
Next stop: Independence day. I have no clue what that day will entail. My roommate is off work that week, so it will be a challenge to think of things to do so that we do not get on each other's nerves. Perhaps I will find new places to take photographs of, or the clarity I have been searching for will present itself.

Aye,
Scratch

Monday, June 5, 2017

Exploring

Four reasons to love summer:

1. Knockout Roses.
2. Purple Basil
3.Wild Daisies
4.White Clover

Put it all in a lil smiley face juice glass, and you have summer in a bouquet all ready to enjoy.

This past weekend was spent.........exploring. For lack of a better word. Exploring and being explored in turn. It felt pretty good, this exploration.

..........Not sure if I've improved my life, or just made it more complicated. I'm finding where I am concerned, I rarely have one without the other.

Stay tuned.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

These dreams go on when I close my eyes......

The dreams followed in direct and rapid succession. Sunday evening, I was talking to some girls who looked a bit like ones I had worked with, but different enough that I was suspicious about their intentions. I have seen the "mean girl" attitude often enough that I didn't know what to say. There was a fellow with them, looking a bit confused.

"What about Wayne?" one of the girls asks me. As in "why not?"

Of course, being the doofus I am, and unable to speak in full sentences in real waking life when it comes to meanies, I can't give them much of an answer.

I only know one person named Wayne IRL, and he's happily married, and I don't think this one resembled him, although the face (like with a lot of things in dreams) was hard to make out.

Monday evening's dream involved using a ladder to climb up on the roof of the trailer. Problem was, I'm not sure whose trailer it was--ours has a metal roof, and this one had black shingles. There were all sorts of things on the roof, that weren't supposed to be there--bedside lamps, dolls... I remember picking them up and tossing them off the roof, or kicking things till they fell off. I'm not really sure what that is supposed to mean.

I decided to make myself a little sign so visitors would know if I was home or not--I wanted to write "The Dryad Is In", but I wasn't sure folks nowadays really know what that is, at least around my woods. It will mostly be used for when I'm down at the creek--if I'm truly not home, I like to think people would be smart enough to notice the Kia is gone. ;)

Aye,
Scratch

Monday, April 24, 2017

Beltane

 
 
As I stare out the window, I lose track of the raindrops. Beltane is right around the corner; as of this writing it should be clear this weekend. My next test: wander the woods with a larger group than I am used to.
 
Do I wear my ears?
 
Stay tuned

Monday, April 17, 2017

Risk

When even the muses are amused, and amusing.................

The shelf fungus makes a nice fairy stair,
 don't you think?
While most folks think of Easter as all sunrise services and Jesus, Sunday found the roomie and myself wandering at a local park. I guess in a sense, this is my Church now.

This makes sense on so many levels. No special equipment, no particular building. Just trees and birds and the air Outside.

I am especially at peace by myself. Perhaps I am a solitary? Alone as a tree in a midst of a forest. There is green around me, but I alone am Me.

The letter I wrote Saturday to a friend still sits by the television set. Do I place the stamp and take the risk she is no longer there? Do I send the note, and take the risk she is no longer the person I knew? Do I take that risk, and hope she understands?

I am slowly tearing myself apart. Emotionally.

Aye, Scratch

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Admirer

The gift was simple at first appearance;
a kind of mental-locket.
No portrait, just a heart beat.
It grew complicated when I realized
that I had no idea to whom the pulse belonged;
Nor do I understand why it was given to me.


Today's adventure involved my faun ears, and a dogwood wreath for a hat. It stood to reason that the dogwoods were blooming, why should I not, as well?

After some finagling with a Japanese maple, this showed up on the camera.

Somewhere there is a kindred (tree) spirit who looks for me. I'll find you, sooner or later.
Stay tuned.
Aye, Scratch

Sunday, April 9, 2017

All In.

Never bring to the Table what you cannot afford to Lose.

Last night's dreaming involved being in a Great Hall. I had the vague impression of looking down from a great height (as from a balcony) and seeing a pile of dishes lying on the floor below. I had the vague notion of going down and washing them, as they were dirty dishes. And someone telling me I didn't have to, because it "wasn't my job". But I felt I wouldn't mind it, besides, they were very nice dishes (I distinctly remember a ceramic water pitcher, it was white and had red and blue flowers, and a blue rim.), and I wanted a closer look at them. Also remember a giant dish, it was long and alabaster looking, with a gold rim (we have a set of china sort of like it, my sister has it in her possession).

It's puzzling that I seem to remember colors in these dreams, but I am not sure if I actually "see" the colors, or whether they're just suggested in my mind.

Aye,
Scratch