Chapters

Sunday, August 13, 2017

Making it up as I go along.

So the time of Lugh has come and gone. Ours was spent with a small group of Wiccan folks not too far from us. They seemed glad to see Dent and I, although I'm hoping we didn't put anyone off by merely observing the goings-on. I've never been much of a "class participation" sort of fay, preferring to do what passes for worship in private. File that under the whole "not attracting attention to myself" bit, that I've had since I was in school. The idea of not making myself a target is still a strong one with me, and even though I doubt these folks would judge my missteps, old habits die hard.

Plus there was the whole "what do you have to brag about" theme with this particular holiday (as I like to think of it). There hasn't been a whole lot on my part to really brag about. I have spent the past year and a half trying to figure out what things are, and what are supposed to be. What I am supposed to be. While I've gotten a little closer to figuring out what I am wanting, I am no closer to deciding how to get there. And I am rapidly running out of time; the sprout becomes a full fledged adult next May, thus setting me free to fully pursue what it is. Whatever it is.

In a few weeks, I shall making a pilgrimage... I did this last year, and while it was an interesting experience to say the least, I don't see it really helping me any more this time around any more than last year's journey. Just a pleasant last "vacation" before I have to buckle down, so to speak, and be gainfully employed. But you never know....I may meet my Oberon this time round. I can almost see him clearly: tallish and thinnish, with short dark hair (maybe black or salt-and-pepper) hair. With a heart in need of repair just as mine is. I seem to be drawn to those who need me. It hurts that the one I lean towards needs me not, but has his own life and goings-on.

It's difficult when you see signs, but have no clue what they mean. The other day I was preparing veggies to roast and found one of my cherry tomatoes had a "tree" inside. What is this supposed to mean? Does it mean anything? I honestly don't know. I don't know anything much, any more. I'm having to make it up as I go along, most days!

Aye,
Scratch

Sunday, July 30, 2017

Lammas

Independence Day came and went, and was surprisingly quiet. There were a few cracks and booms in the surrounding area, but I'm guessing the redneck neighbors up the road didn't have the money to go buy out the fireworks store like they seemed to have done on new year's. 

I went out a couple weeks ago after a storm, to snap some snaps of the departing clouds, and found a wee one came to dance in the rain as well.
In a couple of days is Lammas, or "Lughnasadh" as some of the pagan persuasion like to call it. It marks the beginning of the harvest season, specifically of the grainery kind of stuff. Since Tuesday, I have lit a tealight candle for my lantern on the dresser, before bed, in preparation of a "harvest" of my own. The first night it seemed to be working; I was getting communications I wasn't expecting. Since then, however, progress has been mixed as there is some sort of distraction or wavering in the communication. No matter; I will try again this evening. 

For those who were keeping up on the other blog, you may remember I attended a shindig up in Pennsylvania last labor day weekend. It it being held again this year, and I suppose I ought to make the pilgrimage again this year. Now that I have some inkling, I can make adjustments to this and that and perhaps travel lighter (sleep in the car, for example, and I'd need neither tent nor sleeping bag). The question remains, however, what I expect to find, and if it will feel different than last year. Or will I still feel like a tiny fish swimming in a large pond. Only time will tell.

I decided yesterday that Old Man needed some sort of decoration. Old Man is my nickname for the huge white oak that overlooks the trailer. I suppose he was asking me for a sort of altar... which will be tricky for two reasons: one, I'm not sure the tree is on our property (the property line is very close to the edge of the back yard), and two, it can't be an obvious altar as it'd be visible to people driving or walking up to the back of the house (not in plain view, but look in the right direction and you see it). I have contented myself with stacking several flat rocks taken from the creek, with a small, almost pyramid-shaped one on top (which is weighting down a crow's feather that I found yesterday while foraging in the woods). It will have to do till my inspiration hits again.


I have met several new animal friends this season. In addition to the turtle, I also met granddaddy black snake. He was down by the power transformer box, and once I got over my startlement, I said, "Hello beautiful!". He flicked his tongue out at me and slithered off into the woods. I've also made the acquaintance of several praying mantises, and a toad or two, and several "millies". And I have been "buzzed" a couple of times by a hummingbird. A whole menagerie!  

Aye,
Scratch

   


Sunday, June 25, 2017

Summer Solstice

Summer Solstice came and went. contrary to what you'd expect, it wasn't bright and sunny, but overcast with a chance of rain. This didn't prevent me from dragging myself out of bed at 7 am to head to the local state park to snag some photographs, however.

For a little while, I had the place almost to myself, as the folks who'd already arrived had already made themselves scarce.

The transformation seems to be advancing a bit, although I'm not sure where it is taking me. A few weeks ago I went exploring some options with out of state friends. I keep hearing "do what you do best" and "do what makes you happy". I was pretty happy those couple of days, but I am unsure that is really what I need to be doing at the moment. I'm sure some (or most) of you out there have this conflict: what you want vs. what you need..... Only time will tell if I can reconcile the two.

Part of the problem is I have trouble defining what is "happiness". I know this sounds weird, but there it is--When I felt happy, was it really happiness I felt? Or mere freedom? Or simply being able to feel sensations I haven't felt in a long, long time? Feeling safe? Or merely free? I felt all those things, but does it feel "right"? Feeling "right" is something I also haven't felt in a while, so feeling it now, I'm not sure that's what I am feeling or not. Something else I will have to pay attention to.

At any rate, summer is rolling on a bit. I have spent a fair amount of time at the creek in the woods behind the house. I've skipped stones and talked to the fish. I'm waiting on the jewelweed to start blooming so that maybe I can catch the hummingbirds in the act of taking a drink (think they'll pose for a photograph? Doubtful) The nasturtiums I planted in the large pot at the front of the trailer are now in full bloom.

I've tried planting a wildflower garden again, behind the Japanese maple I rescued from someone's yard (it's the normal sized sort of tree, not the stunted "grafted" variety that only grows to 6 feet...) .So far, the only noticeable flowers have been the marigolds and a few cosmos that are scraggly. Evidently there isn't as much sun as I thought there would be once the surrounding trees grew leaves again (or maybe the aforementioned maple has got too tall as to block the light?)

Summer is also showing the relentless march of time--it is unknown whether or not I will even get to see the little one over the summer as her life is full right now doing those almost-adult things that happen right before they take that final step--There's graduation stuff to take care of, and the learning to drive stuff, and a million other things. The photographs posted by the stepmother of the Florida vacation has her smiling and (I would hope) happy. So I am content. There is (hopefully) Thanksgiving.  I may end up having to take a road trip to go see her instead.
Next stop: Independence day. I have no clue what that day will entail. My roommate is off work that week, so it will be a challenge to think of things to do so that we do not get on each other's nerves. Perhaps I will find new places to take photographs of, or the clarity I have been searching for will present itself.

Aye,
Scratch

Monday, June 5, 2017

Exploring

Four reasons to love summer:

1. Knockout Roses.
2. Purple Basil
3.Wild Daisies
4.White Clover

Put it all in a lil smiley face juice glass, and you have summer in a bouquet all ready to enjoy.

This past weekend was spent.........exploring. For lack of a better word. Exploring and being explored in turn. It felt pretty good, this exploration.

..........Not sure if I've improved my life, or just made it more complicated. I'm finding where I am concerned, I rarely have one without the other.

Stay tuned.

Thursday, May 11, 2017

These dreams go on when I close my eyes......

The dreams followed in direct and rapid succession. Sunday evening, I was talking to some girls who looked a bit like ones I had worked with, but different enough that I was suspicious about their intentions. I have seen the "mean girl" attitude often enough that I didn't know what to say. There was a fellow with them, looking a bit confused.

"What about Wayne?" one of the girls asks me. As in "why not?"

Of course, being the doofus I am, and unable to speak in full sentences in real waking life when it comes to meanies, I can't give them much of an answer.

I only know one person named Wayne IRL, and he's happily married, and I don't think this one resembled him, although the face (like with a lot of things in dreams) was hard to make out.

Monday evening's dream involved using a ladder to climb up on the roof of the trailer. Problem was, I'm not sure whose trailer it was--ours has a metal roof, and this one had black shingles. There were all sorts of things on the roof, that weren't supposed to be there--bedside lamps, dolls... I remember picking them up and tossing them off the roof, or kicking things till they fell off. I'm not really sure what that is supposed to mean.

I decided to make myself a little sign so visitors would know if I was home or not--I wanted to write "The Dryad Is In", but I wasn't sure folks nowadays really know what that is, at least around my woods. It will mostly be used for when I'm down at the creek--if I'm truly not home, I like to think people would be smart enough to notice the Kia is gone. ;)

Aye,
Scratch

Monday, April 24, 2017

Beltane

 
 
As I stare out the window, I lose track of the raindrops. Beltane is right around the corner; as of this writing it should be clear this weekend. My next test: wander the woods with a larger group than I am used to.
 
Do I wear my ears?
 
Stay tuned

Monday, April 17, 2017

Risk

When even the muses are amused, and amusing.................

The shelf fungus makes a nice fairy stair,
 don't you think?
While most folks think of Easter as all sunrise services and Jesus, Sunday found the roomie and myself wandering at a local park. I guess in a sense, this is my Church now.

This makes sense on so many levels. No special equipment, no particular building. Just trees and birds and the air Outside.

I am especially at peace by myself. Perhaps I am a solitary? Alone as a tree in a midst of a forest. There is green around me, but I alone am Me.

The letter I wrote Saturday to a friend still sits by the television set. Do I place the stamp and take the risk she is no longer there? Do I send the note, and take the risk she is no longer the person I knew? Do I take that risk, and hope she understands?

I am slowly tearing myself apart. Emotionally.

Aye, Scratch